Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
