She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just gift wrapped bread.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
