When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
