Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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