if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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