I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize