I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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