proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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