he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
