he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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