I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
