I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
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just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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