I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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