Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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