Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
