you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
