I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
