i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
