All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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