May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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