i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
