Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
