ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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