my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
