either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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