u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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