I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
