the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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