Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
