so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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