does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
