She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
