I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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