I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
