We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
