He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
