Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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