Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
