dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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