Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
