Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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