rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
