Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
