It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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