reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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