I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
