I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
