I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
