Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
