You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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