me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
