I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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