okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
