they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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