Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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