Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
