The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I AM VODKA MAN
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
