I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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