Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
