i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
