what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
