I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
