believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
