Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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