Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
