I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
