hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
