that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
