Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
