Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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