You just made me feel so damn special
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
