i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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